I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize