i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
