I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
