If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
