Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He felt like a one man threesome
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
