I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
