I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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