your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
