I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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