You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize