im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
