Betty ford says i'm here all night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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