The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
