I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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