TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
