a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
