The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
