They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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