I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You made out with two different species that night
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
