I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
