I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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