it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex