I faked an abortion last night.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
