my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
