you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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