Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The best revenge is premature balding
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
