I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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