I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
