I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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