At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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