i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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