Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
