how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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