You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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