Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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