just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
