recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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