you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
