Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
