I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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