Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
