Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
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The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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