well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
