everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
