the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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