I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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