I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
