took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
