We got so high we made milksteak
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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