you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
