He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
