the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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