btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
