I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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