I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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