So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize