I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
