You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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