I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
