My hand turned me down
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
